acceptance, the point of no return

Wednesday marked Chi's first warm day of the season and my friend and I celebrated with the most charming sidewalk dining (how very New York, how very French). During a completely indulgent cookie dough dessert, I attempted to explain to my friend how it is that I can manage to have a very sexy weekend with a man who I admittedly am in love with, and not feel hurt or attached afterwords? Similarly, I attempted to explain how I can continue sporadically seeing CPA with benefits without feeling rejected? My explanation: you feel hurt at first, but then once you get to the point of acceptance the hurt goes away. Explaining it out loud I suddenly appreciate how sad it is...I am basically saying that it is okay for a guy to use me for benefits as long as I am honest with myself about his intentions. If I am honest and accept that he does not want to pursue a relationship then its okay. I am not sure if this makes me a master at the friends with benefits relationships, or if it makes me jaded and cynical. Am I spending too much time accepting and therefore expecting that the guys I like are not into me and therefore I am sabotaging myself in some way? Maybe. Does it even matter? I don't know.