A perfect cast

A recent cocktail conversation with my Chi-mate turned into us casting our lives with famous celebrities (you know in case my Single in the Chi tale catches on and gets turned into a movie or something--LOL). And certainly it is time to provide you all with some yummy visuals--this will make reading my story all the more fun for you.

Now, before going any further I need to explain that I chose these celebrities because they most resemble the people in my real life based on their physical appearance. Also, I must note that sadly, my real people are not quite as hot.

Chicago--Played by Chicago :)

Me--Blake Lively (I am absolutely nowhere near as hot or as blond as she is, but its my movie and I can do what I want to! LOL)

Chi-mate--Isla Fisher (but less ditsy, and btw her boyfriend is Tom Cruise)

Big--an Irish Chris Martin from Coldplay

My Venezuelan--Benjamin Bratt, very sexy!

My stalker--A younger Terrence Howard

Danny--a Mexican Andy from Weeds

Vegas--Matthew Perry

Jordan--an Arab Kal Penn (very hot)


So there you go, these are the people in my dating life. I am a bit stumped for words tonight so stay tuned, there will be more to come on this :)

And so it goes

And so it goes. My happy momentum has started to hit a wall and has in turn, turned down-hill. Hopefully this is just a fluke and the next week will feel better, which it should as I get to see the two loves of my life, my niece and nephew :). Happy thoughts.

Honestly, I have not felt quite right since Monday's swimtime. Courtesy of that damn intuition I knew that night that I wasn't Ms Right for Mr Perfect. For some reason I just feel very disappointed about this, not necessarily about him per se, but about yet another guy not working out. Why is it so hard? On top of that, Vegas has not called all week and its probably because I imposed that strict hands off policy...I guess you are damned if you do, damned if you do a little, and damned if you don't at all, I've done all three and at least I can argue that one isn't worse than the other any longer. No no Jordan no Vegas, am I back to one?

Being back to one isn't the worst thing in the world, after all, as the universe has proven, once you make room in your life then that allows room for others to enter, so crossing my fingers. I think what I am starting to really notice and feel sad about is my Chi-BFFs absence, she is gone and so is part of my spirit. I miss her, and instead of being able to fill my time talking, sharing, laughing, analyzing, empathizing, supporting, cheering, and celebrating with her, I am back to doing that alone, and have some how found these guys to serve as a distraction from, not an answer to, that void. Now Darling Chimate, don't feel sad reading this, I only bring it up to show that its not the void of the 2 missing men I need to worry about filling, its the void of my chimate that I need to fill, I need a girlfriend. I guess I need to take a time machine back to January and restart my self-exploration process and find my new interests, and in new interests hopefully I can find a new friend. XOXO.

From paper to perfect...

I went for a late night swim with Mr. Perfect Jordan last night :). I took a trip to Brazil last Saturday and then fasted for two days in order to be Trina Turk bikini ready. And shockingly, I actually felt that I was bikini ready, sans the slimming tan. I was probably invisible to Jordan as my skin is nearly translucent. Chi-town does not have any sun! I went directly to Jordan's after work and once again fell in love, not exactly with him, but with his 50th floor view of the downtown skyline. Incredible, breathtaking view. I am actually having a bit of a hard time separating my feelings for him, from my feelings for his apartment. TBD, at least I hope.

At least I hope because I felt that there was something a little missing from our date last night. To be fair, he was fresh home from a very crazy weekend in a very crazy place so he was a bit, and admittedly so, mellow. I like mellow, I am actually mellow all of the time, sometimes I am so mellow I resemble a corpse. He on the other hand is generally high-energy. Mismatch? Anyway, he is a great conversationalist so he kept the convo moving, mostly revolving around himself, which as you now know, is fine with me as I do not like talking much about myself. In this case I feel even less like talking about myself because for the first time possibly ever, I feel like I am not good enough, like my apartment isn't good enough, my things aren't good enough, my clothes aren't good enough, my education isn't good enough, my job isn't good enough, my social life isn't good enough, my experiences aren't good enough, etc, etc. I have never felt so inadequate and just to be clear, its not that he makes me feel this way, not at all (in fact, for a guy like him to still call me after he saw me "the next day" for an extended period of hangover hanging out, I give him a lot of credit and think he's a bit nuts!). So its not that he makes me feel inadequate, it is more so his living the life that I envision myself living, that makes me feel entirely inadequate and a bit like a failure. There I said it.

For my regular readers you may recall that I have mentioned before that I just kind of let life happen to me. I went to the easiest and biggest school near me because I didn't want to fill out college applications, I often skipped class and rarely ever studied and easily achieved a respectable GPA, I was given several promotions at my job not by trying exactly but by being naturally good at my job. I honestly have never had to try very hard to get by in life. Obviously, my efforts to find Mr. Right have not followed in suit. I live a great life but could I have had the life I really wanted, the life that Mr. Perfect and all of the other YPs living in his building have, had I had more ambition? Probably yes, and that my friends makes me feel inadequate.

Taking a life lesson from a very good friend, I can either choose to settle for a Good Enough paper life, or I can try to make the life I want happen. It is up to me, it is not up the random fate of meeting a guy already leading this life. You cannot rely on others to make you happy, instead (and I really hate this) we have to make ourselves happy.

Back to Jordan, he and I had a nice, very low key evening, but I didn't feel any "sparks" and I didn't feel like he was in-to-me per se. The first couple of nights we spent together, I definitely felt the sparks, so was this an anomaly, or was this a sobering honest encounter? I really really hope he calls again, and if he doesn't then I am going to try very hard not to let it devastate me too much. After all, feeling "inadequate" and aspiring to a different lifestyle is much different than feeling "worthless". I assure you, I am not worthless, in fact, I am worth far more than paper, but that darlings, is something that I need to prove and earn myself.

A perfect Brazilian

I have had a very indulgent, and overdue weekend. I indulged in pain--the pain of a Brazilian and the pain of a Facial. As my new BFF at the Salon told me, "well, its not going to kill you". Tears aside I bravely endured these services, and let me tell you, the price of beauty is very expensive. Now, my new BFF is one excellent sales person: I went in for a routine (okay its been 2 years) bikini wax and within 30 minutes I had taken a trip to Brazil, my eyebrows were shaped, and I had an appointment for a much needed custom facial at 10:00 the next morning. She said she wanted to make me perfect. Its going to take a lot more than hot wax to turn me into the perfect version of me, but I wonder am I ready to try?

Now perfect is a term I use lightly. I do not use it to insinuate that I want to be the most perfect person in the entire world by any traditional standard. Instead, I use it to mean that I want to be the most perfect version of myself according to myself. Obviously this idea of perfection correlates directly to personal goals and to the idea of achieving the elusive happiness. I hate the idea of goal setting as I rarely have much follow through...but maybe I am ready to be my better version. A few of the better version goals I want to accomplish:

-Diet and exercise. This is a big one as I am a very low energy person--if I ate right and exercised I would probably feel as a whole, a lot more awake, energetic, and positive.
-Beauty maintenance. I was way overdue for my wax jobs, and I really have never invested in healthy skin...I want to routinely take care of both as I think it will improve my overall confidence.
-Friendships. I want to develop new friendships, foster and cultivate my current friendships, and make peace with ghosts of friendships past.
-Interests. I want to develop new interests such as cooking or art or dance classes or sports or ... I want to be busy and active by developing and participating in new outlets.

Anyway, these are just a few of the areas in my life that I want to improve. There are surely more as I have a lot of work to do in my overall job satisfaction and financial health, but all good things come in time. Good things have come my way and I am feeling very happy. And not to brag but Jordan just called via his vacation destination and invited me over tomorrow night after work. Yea!

Now my life is on what I consider to be an upswing, but ask me 7 months ago and I was experiencing a desperate and lonely low. Today, two things I know for sure, everything is cyclical, and everybody goes through these either happy or stressful or difficult times. I think that the best way to get through our good times and our bad is to surround ourselves with people who care about us, and to reach out and celebrate or commiserate or silently comfort and to always love one another. That investment in soulmates is the completion of a perfect self. XOXO.

A smiling single girl

Alright you anxious readers you, here is the update in the fabulous life of one single Chi-girl. I have had a fantastic week albeit incredibly busy with work. The highlight: Wednesday afternoon when my crush, Jordan, texted me to say hi and that we should talk next week (you see, I was out of town for a few days and he is now out of town for a few days so he was planning ahead...:)). I have had a smile on my face ever since, and I am even smiling right now :). And I can't stop smiling because I really like this guy, like really :) :). I don't want to say too much or get too excited because I am a little afraid of liking someone who is not paper. The reason being is that it was one thing to get rejected by a guy who is paper, and a completely different thing to be rejected by a guy you really like. Both rejections suck but in different ways. Rejection by paper guys is annoying and avoiding rejection turns the whole relationship into a kind of cat and mouse game. A rejection by a "perfect" guy is incredibly disappointing, it results in a bit of a blow to the ego, and it spirals one into the always present question from hell, "do I really need to just settle for Mr Good Enough, Mr Paper?".

And, I spent the night last night with Vegas. We went out to my favorite blue margarita bar in my hood and then to a few other places. I invited him to stay the night but with one rule: hands off! I am so so mean. I guess the thing about me is that I need to feel very attracted to someone to want to engage in relations and I am just not there yet with Vegas. He is a great guy--very nice, very very positive and happy, attractive, considerate, generous, gentlemanly, employed, talks on the phone, easy going, even a good kisser, etc, etc, etc, etc. You can pretty much put a check mark next to every box you have on your list, he's great. And, I think he even likes me. But something is missing for me--possibly that X-factor or the good ole chemistry. I guess what I am trying to figure out is, even if this paper man is great!, available, and into me, does that mean that he is the right guy for me? At what point do you sacrifice the zsa zsa zsu and accept good enough? Darlings, this is to be determined as I do like Vegas and I do intend to keep seeing him.

I have not seen Danny in about a week but I have talked to him almost every day. I have come to regard Danny as someone who I just like knowing. For example, I can call him anytime for anything and he will talk...I called him from the airport yesterday and he gave me a full weather report and reasons why my plane was delayed. He is so multi-dimensional and intelligent that sometimes I just like listening to him ramble. And, he likes me. He is boosting my self esteem and confidence because he is so open with his feelings about me...like compliments. Now receiving compliments from guys I like happens very rarely...Vegas has yet to compliment me with a "you look nice", Big did sporadically, CPA NEVER did, and cute Jordan gave me a "you look fine" (understandable considering I was that aforementioned hungover hooker) and Jordan also commented how very sexy I looked in my very LBD. Danny is the only guy (okay outside of my stalker) who constantly gives me compliments, and ladies, although we are often too prideful to admit this, we need to hear why we are special. We need it. And apparently he needs it too as he keeps saying how he absolutely cannot figure out if I like him or not. This is due to the fact that I have also implemented a hands mostly off policy toward him as well. I expect to see Danny tomorrow we'll see what happens.

And Big. Yes Big is back in town (well only metaphorically), he has been really good about calling, like on a weekly basis. He must be able to sense my emotional distance as yesterday he was laying the always endearing baby and I miss yous on kind of thick. I love Big, I will always love Big, but I feel very past him. When I gave up my "3" I gave up my 3.

I am one busy, smiling single girl. XOXO.

The plot thickens

And just when I thought everything was going very well and I was coming to terms with and even accepting the kind of guy society deems I should settle and be in a paper relationship with, I meet the perfect guy. Perfect as in he meets all of the initial qualities that I would look for in a guy and his lifestyle is exactly what I would like for mine to be. He is my aspirational man, the man I aspire to be with on every level, but the type of man that I have always been too afraid of failing to attract. Wow, he is my list guy, in person. Now I guess I really should be excited about this new list man, after all, he brings my count back up to 3, however I am a bit more realistic than that. You see, liking someone, a lot more often than not, leads to heartache.

I met this perfect guy at my chi-mate's going away dinner. We had just walked into a very chic rooftop bar and I met who we'll call Jordan. We started talking and offered to buy me a drink. He was attractive and personable. My friend and her friends then decided to leave and I was left in the hands of this perfect man. He was even having a little drama himself that night which I somehow helped diffuse. I ended up spending the night platonically, well cuddly anyway (old habits). In the light of day he was extremely attractive, well-educated, had a great job, great furniture, great view of the city, and most importantly he is one of the nicest and most considerate guys I have ever met. And I am not even talking about the way he treated me...his friends were visiting and the way he interacted with them was entirely charming. He cooked breakfast and invited me to stay and hang out...and the odd thing is that I actually agreed. Me in my silk tank and printed short skirt, ratty (seriously ratty) hair, and last night's leftover make-up, actually spent the day. Now I have absolutely no idea why he would have wanted to see me again after I spent the day looking like a hung-over hooker, but he did and he invited me to a party w/ his in-town friends that night. I redeemed myself in my sexiest LBD and we had a great night. He made several comments about hanging out again, but I am going to play it safe and wait and see. He seems like such a great guy, very smooth temperament, very happy, very low-key, a bit endearing...a really good catch! Either way, I am one lucky lady to had an entirely perfect weekend!

Now, I am glad to have met my perfect guy, but I am also a bit disappointed as to what this means for Danny and Vegas. Now that I know that there are guys out there who represent the life I want, do I still need to settle? After spending more time w/ Danny I realize that I might like him, but I only like him because he is fun to hang out with and very interesting...I fear I do not have any actual feelings for him. And with Vegas, the paper man, I feel disappointed. I like hanging out with Vegas, he is fun, he is considerate, he is easy going, but once again, I do not feel like I have the right kind of feelings for him. I want to feel excited and physically attracted to someone! I don't want to settle for not having those feelings just because someone is there and available.

This has all gotten so complicated, but I will say that I am having so much fun doing things and going on dates. It is getting a bit ridiculous though as I am having to double book nights, and avoid answering the "who did you do that with" question. I am turning into a man, a very well-intentioned one at least!

Chi-mate, soulmate

Tonight I am saying goodbye to my Chi-soulmate. My darling friend is bravely taking the next step in her life, moving to the people-stealing state of, you guessed it, California. I could not be more genuinely happier for her. She deserves the absolute best and her absolute best is waiting for her in the Cali. She is proof positive that love and a colored paper life, does exist.

And, as I am fighting back tears to write this, she is also proof positive that soulmates exist. One of my favorite SATC episodes was when Carrie questioned whether or not "soulmates" exist. Now, if we listen to society, we are meant to believe that soulmates do exist, there is that perfect person out there who completes you. As you get older and as you experience life, you realize that Hallmark is full of shit. Soulmates, in the traditional men/woman variety, only exist for the very lucky few, so don't hold your breath. Now my Chi-friend was a lucky one and she found a soulmate in her Cali-partner.

I am also a lucky one as I have found a soulmate in her. You see the reason I like the SATC episode so much is because it admits the possibility that you can have the traditional (I hate that word) soulmate experience with a life-partner, but you can also have that sort of soulmate connection with anyone and any relationship. Obviously, and as reiterated in the disaster that was the 2nd movie, the SATC girls are each other's soulmates. If I were to take and interpret these definitions, I would consider a soulmate to be defined as someone who "gets" you, and you get them inherently. Now this is my derived definition, for others it may be differnet.

I suppose my point is this: I consider my Chi-friend to be a soulmate because the frienship she and I have created is based on experience, respect, commonality, compassion, admiration, acceptance and love. We've only been friends for about six months, but in those six months she has changed my life. Again, tears.

I am also very lucky that I can say that I have a few friends back in the Minne that I also consider soulmates. What I have had a hard time accepting is that not all friendships, no matter the "longevity" are of (again, my definition) the "soulmate" variety. I have lost a lot of friends over the years, people who I really loved and appreciated but who ultimately decided that our friendship wasn't worth it. For a single gal, accepting this rejection is the ultimate in pain. But, what I have learned as I develop new friendships and unwillingly say goodbye to old ones, is that it is better to have a few friends who are soulmates and who get you inherently, than to have a long list of "friends" where the relationship is more obligatory than fulfilling.

I suppose in closing I will say that I am blessed for the friends that I have that I consider to be my soulmates, I am grateful for the friends that I have that are mutually enjoyable and respectful, and I am glad to have had the chance to have known the friends that I no longer have a relationship with. Truth be told, every single one of these friendships changed me, and truth be told, no matter what category these wonderful people fell into, I love them the same, and I wish them the best.

And to my soulmates, you are my life.

And to my Chi soulmate, I am on my way!

My paper life

My Chi-Bestie and I had an intriguing discussion yesterday while eating organic pizza and listening to the cheering Blackhawks fans across the street. Our topic: the paper man. The paper man feels nostalgic to me as it brings back memories of my childhood where I regularly used to play with paper dolls. The fun of these flimsy cutouts was that you got to dress them in different paper clothes and then they would go on paper dates, they would paper make-out, then they would go paper shopping, buy more paper clothes, go on more paper dates, and then paper get married, paper have kids, and paper live happily ever after. If paper life is so fun, then why are we so resistant to having a paper life with a paper man?

You know paper men, the guys who are good on paper--successful, intelligent, value-oriented, likable. Paper men provide their often paper women with very paper lives. Now, (as I often say so as to not offend my 5 followers), to be clear, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with paper men nor paper lives. I might think that there is something wrong with paper women, however, I will choose not to explain further. But as our conversation last night contended, we (she and I and many others) are not usually attracted to or interested in the paper man, and in my experience, the paper guys are usually not that into me. Whew, I must not be a paper woman.

I sort of qualify a paper life as a traditional life...a word I seldom find myself relating to. If I were a traditional girl then I would have went to all of my HS formals, I would have met my husband junior year in college, we would have gotten married 1 year after we graduated school, and right now I would be nursing a 4 month old...at least that is what all of my HS facebook friends are up to. Traditional, paper, and generic, and I am assuming happy. Now because my life did not follow in that specific order I have assumed its because I am not a traditional girl. I would always choose city life over suburbs, a nanny over stay-at-home mom, fashion, events, and cocktails over soccer carpools, and a an interesting and passionate partner over a boring CPA. I would always choose a colorful three dimensional life over a paper life.

Now, as I have gotten older and as I have become wiser, I realize that I may have been wrong all along. What I thought I wanted was excitement and passion, but now I realize that what I want is a companion, an equal, love born out of friendship, and shocker, possibly a family. Understanding that my priorities have changed is one thing, getting myself to act on these priorities is another. For example, I am currently juggling one paper man (Vegas) with one (multi)dimensional man (Danny), less I forget to mention my absent man (Big). Now, I know that in order to get closer to getting what I want, I need to date the men who will be able to provide that and give up the men who cannot. The good news is that I think I am getting closer, I have a second date(!) with Vegas this Saturday night.

My name is Single in the Chi and I want a paper man, and with my paper man I want to build a colorful paper life...after all, I might become paper, but at least I will be colorful paper.

Confessions of a "dangerous" girl

Confession time. I have been seeing more of Danny. I like him. I don't like him in a long-term potential husband kind of way, I like him as in he is a fun and interesting guy who I enjoy spending time with, despite his eccentricities and paranoid behavior. And with my very best Chi-friend relocating at True Love's request to the West Coast, I am in desperate need of at least someone on my social calendar.

Danny from the beginning has been very upfront that he is a loner and is really not a one-woman man or a "relationship" guy. Alright now, calm down, I am not going into this thinking I can or want to change him, I am going into this purely for friendship and you guessed it, benefits. Social benefits (get your heads out of the gutter!) And there haven't even been any other benefits at all outside of little pet kisses and neck nibbling. Danny is being extremely patient and obliging and letting us take things at my pace. Its nice that he is not being manipulative or assumptive, just patient. How strange!

Now, I know that there are not many reasons for me to like him, very few in fact. But in the same respect, I feel like there are very few reasons for him to like me. As I said he is somewhat of an intellectual--he has a lot of opinions but only about things that he has studied and researched, which is a lot of weird things. His brain works in such a strange, inexplicable way and his articulation often leaves me in the dark. It is very intriguing.

So I asked him last night what it is that he likes about me? From everything he says, I kind of feel like I should be the last person he would like...I consider myself naive, oblivious, uninformed, innocent, shy, complacent, and private. Especially around certain types of people, I take on a kind of quiet wall-flower persona. Almost like I am afraid to say what I think in case it paints me in a negative or unattractive light. Like I am protecting myself from judgement by not putting anything out there to be judged. Very backwards I realize, and the truth is that I am reasonably smart and informed, and I can even be articulate at times. But it is my fear of rejection that keeps me quiet.

Danny is very complimentary and he told me he likes me because I am "hot", endearing, and there is a loneliness to me that felt kindred to him. He also likes that I am not desperate, I don't need people, I like them but I don't need them. And, he is very good at the backhanded compliments, by the way. Like how he likes my eyes but thinks they have some "evil" in them. In fact, he said that from the first time he met me he feels like something bad is going to happen to him because of me...he can't quite put his finger on what it will be, but its a feeling. Part of his paranoia I'm sure is obsessing about intuition and prediction. Obviously I don't know what the hell he is talking about, but it is intriguing. And he doesn't say things to be mean or scary, he just says them. And remember, I only catch probably 60% of his actual message or meaning...my inference can therefor be slightly skewed.

Alright that's my confession. I like crazy, vampire Danny. He likes me.

Now, obviously I would drop Danny in one hot minute if it meant having a real relationship with an average guy like Vegas. Vegas and I had a great date, but I will be cautiously skeptical as a result of my dating history...good, successful and average guys usually don't like me, and to be fair, its not like I am ever head-over-heals for them either, but as I said, I am all in and I am putting my best legs forward.

a first date

Saturday night, date night. We are going out to a Mexican place that serves great Tacos--and hopefully great margaritas. Although I wrote not too long ago as to what was a proper Saturday night date outfit, I had some trouble getting ready tonight. You see, while I do believe it should be preferred to wear a skirt or dress on a Saturday date, I selected jeans fearing that "first" dates need to be considered carefully. So, I am wearing black skinny jeans (shocking), a low cut grey Stella McCartney top, a push-up bra, and my black MJ sandals. As was pointed out to me several months ago, I should be wearing color, unfortunately outside of one hot pink Lacoste top, I do not own any :(. To be remedied someday.

I have spent all day reading that damn book and have gained a lot of new insights into dating, standards, deal-breakers, expectations, and you name it. Yes, I did want to throw the book at the wall at certain points. Like when the author actually had the nerve to suggest that Samantha was too self-centered and selfish, in the first SATC movie, for choosing herself over a relationship with a great guy. DUH! Um, author, the entire character Samantha is based around a woman who does not want marriage or a serious relationship of any kind. Please, author of book, maybe you could do some research before blasting a TV series you never watched.

Anyway, outside of that error, the book does pose some interesting points. Too many points actually to cover in this blog. It will take me several days to absorb, digest and analyze these regurgitated, repackaged philosophies. For tonight, in honor of a first date, I will summarize the "What first dates really tell us" portion of the book. Basically, a first date is not a reflection of the long-term potential of a match. We should not be judging a guy on a first date, and as long as the date was okay, then we should go on a second date. Sounds about right, right? I assure you, I have always said yes to a second date to anyone who has asked, I have even said yes to a third and fourth hoping to spark a connection with these good guys. Unfortunately, there are some people you can go on a million dates with and it won't change how you feel about them. The book just says that you should at least try, and I have, so I guess I win on that point.

Now onto a first date which I sincerely hope leads to a second date.

Mr Good Enough

One of my very favorite girlfriends fed-exed me a new must-have dating book that her other token single-girlfriend raved about. The title of this book: "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for MR Good Enough". Um, excuse me book, but did I read your appalling, assumptive, prehistoric, insulting, infuriating, and threatening title correctly? Frankly, I'd rather settle for a Mr Goodbar, than a Mr Good Enough.

Now I would like to think that my darling girlfriend had only the best intentions, but I am sort of skeptical as the last article she sent me almost moved me to de-friend her on Facebook. That article: "Don't date like a SATC' Carrie Bradshaw." This poorly researched blasphemy, written by a Stepford robot who married her cousin in high-school, failed to get the comic genius and true emotion behind Carrie Bradshaw. I honestly couldn't get past the first two paragraphs due to outrage, but the gist was that Carrie portrayed herself as a needy and pathetic stalker, and men don't like women like that.

Now does my kind-intentioned friend really think that I am on the verge of becoming so needy, pathetic, and stalking that I must settle immediately for a guy, any guy, dare I end up alone? Well, I assure you she indeed does not view me that way, nor would she encourage me to settle even if it meant saving my own life. However, the pure coincidence of her gesture has certainly given me inspiration.

As I have eluded to in the past I do have a Mr Good Enough guy out there. His name is (my) Stalker (seriously), and he is very much in love with me. I met him almost 4 years ago, and I immediately had absolutely no interest in him whatsoever. He was not at all my type, and he was very very boring. Knowing that he was a good guy I gave it a shot and we went out for about three months. I promptly stopped seeing him after he cancelled on my birthday due to the rain. Actually not true, I continued seeing him and tried desperately to will myself to fall in love. It didn't happen. I have maintained a sporadic friendship with him ever since.

Again, I will reiterate that he surely must have been a good enough guy. He is successful, honest, loving, generous, wants a family, he loves me for me, and he would do anything in his power to make me happy and to make my dreams come true. In the first few months of living here in Chicago he proposed marriage to me. There was no ring and he was 700 miles away on the East Coast, but it was a proposal all-right. One day I actually bought the "settling for Mr Good Enough" idea and decided that I would agree to marry him. I stopped into Tiffany, picked out my Tiffany-cut 1.5 carat diamond and walked down the street feeling happier and more elated than ever before. I was getting married! Then reality caught up with me later that night when I talked to him on the phone. Our conversation was so desperately, painfully grey and boring that I realized once again that I would never be able to develop the right kinds of feelings for him, and that I could never love him the way he deserved to be loved.

See the thing that people fail to understand is that it is not unrealistic expectations, high-standards, or "pickiness", that prevent single girls from finding their Mr. Right. The truth is that these single girls are holding out for the four letter word followed by the other four letter word. TRUE LOVE. We are told as girls that we can have it all, a career, a family, and true love. The problem is not that we reject Mr Good Enough because he is only good enough. We reject him because we are not in love with him and we have too much integrity, character, and class to fake it. Mr Good Enough deserves better.

Now, that I have had my tantrum, I look forward to actually reading this book. I better read it in private as it is sure to make me so angry that I will end up throwing the book at something, rather than someone. Happy reading :)

Go Blackhawks!

Now who in the heck is calling me during Criminal Minds? Yes, yes, I am celebrating my 1 year anniversary in by catching up on some good old Derrek. And I am also celebrating by booking my Saturday night with a date! And, not only is it a date, but it is a "bite to eat" date!

So who is this new mystery man? Well, I am embarrassed to admit this, but I met another guy at Danny's. I guess this hot-mess of a bar is in love with me. Really. Like how a few weeks ago the girl I met at Danny's went to one of my stores to get fit because "her friend (me)" told her to :). Since I already have a "danny" I will call this new man Vegas (will explain later, (or not)). So Vegas stood in line with us on the way to get into Danny's and then he irritatingly didn't leave our side for what felt like, all night long. In a nut shell I would consider him to be an "All-American" guy--likes sports, golfs, has lots of friends, has a job/career, has a degree, likes his family, etc, etc. In other words, at first glance, this guy is not my type. Why is it that I am not attracted to the generic guy? Well, here's hoping I am as I agreed to a date. He even teased me with a future White Sox game. Teasing is a little deviant, right?

I have dated these "All-American" guys before and I hate to say it, but they have bored me out of my mind. I can't be the one who carries the entire conversation. It is exhausting for me, and very unattractive on them. Sure, these guys were good guys; they were successful, complimentary, had great values, and were well-regarded (not sure by whom), but ultimately, they proved to not be for me. Now I do have an open mind and an open heart so I will put my best leg forward and see what this guy has to offer.

And by the way, our 10 minute conversation covered such topics as the White Sox, the Cubs, the Blackhawks, the Twins, Target Field, Coors Field, and basketball. I will be sure that our next conversation covers some of my interests as well: Dolce & Gabbana, Chanel, La Perla, Stella McCartney, and Marc Jacobs...seems only fair.

Happy Anniversary

Happy one year anniversary darling Chicago! We made it through. Quite amazing actually, considering that just 7 months ago I was prepared to leave you for a taller, colder, and cheaper mate. Somehow you managed to seduce me back with the sweet smells of brewing chili, the sexy men of Marc Jacobs, and the windy chill and mesmerizing waves of that big Lake Michigan. You may have won me back darling, but it hasn't been an easy ride.

Yes, we have had some tough times. Like every day how you defy me by backing up every single Interstate with millions of cars and construction zones. Or how during your "spring" and "summers" I need to sit in front of my space heater. Even those damn Cubs fans, how they clog up our Subway system making it impossible to get back to Grace. And what about that extra 12% you hide in your pockets after every purchase I make? You are not easy to love.

But alas, there have been good times as well. Like how I remember my first time at the beach and a perfect vision of pure blue water along a backdrop of the most beautiful city skyline. And how about the first time you took me out to eat at one of your sidewalk cafes? And that time I sang the blues on stage at Buddy Guys. And how you introduced me to a wonderful new soulmate who took me in over the holiday's. And how you kicked my $%%# in different ways every single day in order to teach me life lessons.

Oh Chicago, I am in love with thee.