Today at the gym I happened upon the monthly column "jake, a man's opinion" in my January Glamour. The title: Why men love "taken" women. How very appropriate seeing as I have pondered the same thing on my recent blog. In this charming edition, Jake, a single dating man in NYC, wonders why men, and now he, are attracted to taken (and I will add recently single) women. Apparently, there is even a term for it, bird-dogging. So, as one bird-dogger admits, the reason is because if the woman is taken, men feel less performance anxiety and can just be themselves. Okay, I have to give a little credit to this explanation because I myself am guilty of in a sense bird-dogging.
When I was a wee college student I dated one of my friend's very newly, ex-boyfriend, and I kissed another one. Neither lasted obviously. Even when I started seeing Big, he had a live-in girlfriend. But, much of the reason I felt such an (truly misguided) attraction for them was because I could be myself around them and I did not feel any pressure. Suddenly, I am feeling a bit of "a kettle calling the pot black..." or however that saying goes. I am guilty. Please do not judge too harshly as that is 4-5 years in my past. I am not a good "guys" girl, I view every single man as a potential mate...this is why I am not able to keep friendships with men (hello, CPA). I can only be my true self around men who are already in relationships because I am not viewing them as a possible boyfriend.
Don't worry, this does not mean I am going to start flirting with my friends' men, this only means that I somewhat understand the attraction to married, and recently single women. The men who dig these women are able to get to know each other with out the immediate pretense of "where can this lead?".
And ladies, I still believe there should be a "waiting" period (but that is only coming from my selfish single self :)).
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