Day 4: Double double sober and trouble

January 4th, 2010

4 Days into my sobriety. I have rid all of my liquor down the drain, save the 4 bottles that I am trying to gift the maintenance man should he ever respond to my broken toilet flusher. Should I have to reach my Black Satin manicured hand one more time into the toilet tank for a flush, I may reconsider my kindness.

Truth is that I don't even feel like drinking. I know its only been 4 days, but today I had to break up with my Big. Big as in Carrie's Big pre SATC the movie...the guy you are so in love with but can't quite make it work with because he has a fear of commitment, Big. Anyway, usually this type of break up conversation would have me in a desperate amount of tears, and would send my speedracing from the Red Line to the Jewel to pick up a bottle, okay 2 bottles, of wine and a Redbox. Break-up, break-down, you know the feeling. But not today. Today I bravely had the heartbreaking conversation and surprisingly I did so without even the consideration of needing the aforementioned 2 bottles of wine to 1. either have the talk, or 2. to recover from the talk.

So by break-up I mean I had to tell him over the phone that I was cutting off communication with him...of course I didn't say permanently--I can handle only so much. I said I needed to cut of communication to "work on myself". Isn't that the bullshit reason everyone gives when breaking up with someone else? Well, in this case it is true. I have cut off ties (not permanently, maybe permanently, temporarily, forever?) with the love of my life. I am 27 years old and instead of committing to spending the rest of my life with someone else (which is apparently what the rest of facebook is doing), I am committing to spending the rest of my life with myself, but not by myself.

Here I am left double sober after today, no more liquor and no more Big.