I like me. There, I said it.

I have been suffering from a desperate case of writer's block as of late, so I do apologize in advance if this piece is not up to par. Unfortunately, my writer's block has resulted in a big build up of very juicy singleformation. I will do my best to bring the six of you up to speed :)

Danny and I had a very very very revealing conversation a few weeks ago in which I surprised myself and went full disclosure and soberly shared with him a very guarded part of myself. Like very guarded, something I have never shared with another man and have only shared with a few close girlfriends. (Now because I am being vague I will say that its not a unique life threatening secret by any means, nor is it weird so don't worry!). The reason I went full disclosure is not because we were having an intense intimate conversation or anything, actually, I finally came clean to stop him from pestering me. I had had enough and was tired of being coy and evasive and he sure was not letting up, so I said to hell with it, I don't care, here is what you want to know...I answered his question.

I HATE questions! Rather, I hate certain types of questions that are about me because I don't really care to talk very much about myself (I'm sure my friends would disagree). I think that there are probably a lot of reasons for my guardedness mostly stemming from insecurities and fears about being judged, and partially stemming from my distaste for people who share TMI. Whatever the reasons are, I have always found it very difficult to open up to people until I know them very well, and I have never ever been able to open up and be honest with a guy. Hello, remember CPA where I couldn't even ask him if he liked me for fear of rejection? I have always equated telling the truth and being vulnerable as signs of weakness, not of strength. This seems to be backwards thinking in retrospect. Unfortunately, being uncomfortable talking about myself does not usually make for a great first impression as it makes me seem very closed off, guarded, impersonal, standoffish, snobbish, shy, and unfriendly.

So back to his question. I did not want to provide an answer because I felt like if I told him the truth, it would make me look bad. You may have caught on to this, but I have been working furiously hard all of my life to appear like I am (please get ready to roll your eyes) perfect. Not perfect perfect, but perfect as it would be considered by society, perfect as in what I would consider my perfect version of myself to be. By answering I let him in and slowly but surely, he is getting to know the real me, not the me I try to pretend I am.

The remarkable part is not that I was honest and told the truth to appease him, the remarkable part is that I felt comfortable telling him something personal. For the first time in my life, I feel completely at ease being myself around a guy. I am letting him see me and all of my, what I consider to be, flaws. And guess what, he likes me anyway, despite my flaws, and he doesn't even consider them to be flaws, and in some cases, he likes me more because of them. I get to be myself and I like that because I like me.