a late night party girl hook-up I am not

In considering your very random communication I can tell you are not interested in knowing me outside of "late night". FYI not interested nor impressed. No need to contact me again. Best.

That dear readers is the text message I sent to 50th floor Jordan last night. Wow, this honesty thing is almost going to far, almost.

Our conversation followed as:
him: Are you referring to my call this eve??? I just called to say hello..not sure what is wrong with calling to say hello..
me: Obviously nothing. I can't figure your intentions, but a late night party girl hook-up I am not. A nice cocktail, a nice invite, that's a different story.
him: Ok your wish is granted! but you might have to wait a couple weeks or so for that nice cocktail invite because I might be going to Europe this weekend.
him: Ok?? Are we good? :)
me: Sure, let me know when you're back in town.

So what prompted this little exchange? Well, first let me remind you that I have not seen Jordan since our swim together over a month ago. Since our deep dive, sporadic late night texting and occasional calls have followed. And then there is last weekend when he asked me to hang out after a work dinner which would, at the latest, run until 11:00pm. I agreed (and cancelled on Danny) only after he reassured me it would most likely be earlier and not later. Obviously due to my strict you-must-cancel-on-me policy, it wasn't until 12:40am that he was available to hang out, and he still considered that to be early. Not in my world as I was in bed at 11:00pm. He was "sorry". I was pretty annoyed and mad but I let it go and said that it was fine. The next night he called me at 3:30am to see if I was still out?? Um, no. I then suggested that we try to get together for a happy hour during the week, and even directly invited him to one on Monday. He had "plans" on Monday and didn't bother to suggest an alternative date.

So I guess when he called at a normal 9:00pm last night I had high hopes. Instead he asked what I was up to, sounded disappointed when I said I was watching the news and not "out", and then let me go without the mention of future plans. Possibly on the slightly dramatic side, I sent him the afforescripted text.

Danny always tells me that I have a lot of power, I just don't use it. Instead I always let the guy take the lead and treat me however he so lazily chooses which always results in dating the same guys over and over again--guys who don't put in effort, guys who are sporadic and unpredictable, guys who are not interested in me outside of occasional FWBs. I am tired of that! And I need to be the one to take the control, assert my power, and change things!

No matter how much fun I have found dating to be, I really still am looking for that elusive "relationship". I crave the comfort and consistency a relationship can provide. Sure, it has been fun to spend time with Vegas, but it ultimately is just disappointing that he has not wanted to take it to the next level. I find that to be unacceptable and I am no longer so desperate that I need to try really hard and keep him interested out of boredom (as I did w/ CPA). Instead I am done with Vegas; which is fine as I really don't know if I can do paper after all.

And I am sad to say this, but even part of the novelty of Danny's and my "loverationship" has worn off. I find myself liking him too much and I find myself becoming frustrated when he can't hang out because he is hanging out with another "friend". Its like I am feeling these pangs of jealousy which are mild, but still I didn't expect them to be there at all. This is not to say that I would ever want to be in a true traditional relationship w/ Danny, he really is not of that quality, but I would prefer if he didn't have other "friends" and if he could occasionally spend the night. I am glad that I generally see him twice a week and that we talk every day--I guess there is comfort in that. As I told him on Wednesday, the reason I do like him is because he is making a very evasive and uncurious person by nature, honest and curious--and this honesty and curiosity is changing me.